When You're In a Tough Spot

This time of year always makes me think of change. It's probably the way the leaves are changing and the air is getting crisp. For the most part, I think change is good. Experiencing different seasons is an important part of life. I think we have to go through various seasons in order to mature and grow. But why is it so hard to embrace those tough seasons? And how do we handle seasons that feel like they will never end?

When my husband and I were first married, we got off to a rough start—our communication wasn’t great. He was a "stuffer" and I was an "exploder." I felt unloved, and he felt disrespected. At one time, we even had marriage mentors who told us they didn’t know what else to do for us. We were left feeling alone and hopeless. It felt like that season would never end for us.

I am happy to say that that season eventually did end, that we just celebrated 10 years of marriage, and we have three amazing kids! However, this did not come without a lot of hard work, determination, and trust that God would get us through it. We learned so much through that season, and looking back, I can say with all honesty that yes, those years we spent fighting for our marriage were worth it because of who we became as a result.

We definitely don’t have marriage figured out. But I am thankful we didn’t give up. Along the way, we learned a few things. Whether you are in a tough spot in your marriage, or maybe facing something totally different, I am hoping these insights will be an encouragement to you, in whatever season you find yourself.

Spend time with God.

I truly believe that there is so much power in sitting with God, praying, and reading the Bible. When we carve out time to spend with God, He will give us wisdom and understanding that we didn’t have before. It softens our heart and gives us hope. 

James is one of my favorite books in the Bible. I remember reading the first chapter during that tough season in our marriage and finding hope for the first time in months. Verses 2-5 say, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

It was through these words that I learned that there was a purpose in our painful season. I learned that perseverance creates trust, and that our trust grew stronger every time we took a step closer to God. As I continued to read, I learned that my words matter (James 3), that I didn’t need to worry about tomorrow (James 4), and that I needed to be patient in suffering (James 5).

Being broken is ok.

When we allow our brokenness to be revealed, God will mend it by His grace so that we can glorify Him in our weaknesses. Find people with whom you can be real, honest, and raw—people who will fight for you, pray for you, and love you through your hard season. Because it's when we finally admit our brokenness that healing can begin.

Seasons of pain bring change.

As you persevere through this time, know you will wake up one day and realize that your relationship with God has changed. There will be a closeness that wasn’t there before. It really is beautiful, and nothing can ever take it away from you. You will also change. You will be able to endure more, and you’ll have wisdom that you didn’t have before. You’ll be able to share that wisdom with others who are hurting and walking a similar path.

God will restore and redeem your seasons.

Trust that God is with you in your stuff. We know that every day God continues to restore and redeem our tough years. We trust that He will use them in a way that will honor and glorify Him.

Be patient.

James 5:7-8 says, “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”

I love the last part of this verse. The Lord is near to those who are standing firm and being patient. I struggled with wanting to control my circumstances. I just wanted everything to be ok. Trusting the process and being ok with having a bad day was hard for me. I finally realized that when I stepped back and stopped trying to control, I had more peace about our future.

Psalm 27:13-14 drives this home even further: "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." God doesn't tell us how long we'll have to wait, but He promises that we will see His goodness—and He is always good to keep His promises.

No one is immune to trials. In fact, back in James 1:2, James doesn’t say if you face trials, he says when. They will come. If you are in the middle of a season that feels tough right now, I pray that God would use your circumstances to draw you closer to Him and that you will remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Keep fighting. Keep trusting. It’s worth it.