Raising Teenagers
Have you ever heard a sleep-deprived parent of a newborn say, "I wish this baby had come with a manual---I have no idea what I'm doing!"? I've heard parents say this a number of times, so imagine my surprise when we took our first child home from the hospital and the nurse handed me a large booklet and said, "Here, in case you need to know what to do in these first few weeks." Hooray! There actually IS a manual for these tiny humans. Of course, it only helped some of the time, and the rest of the answers came through prayer, intuition and advice from friends and family.
Now some of you are entering a new phase of parenting---the teenage phase---and you wish there was a manual for them, too. What do I do when they won't talk to me or when they won't stop talking? Do I play it cool when they bring home a guy/girl they like, or do I totally freak out so they'll never bring anyone home again? Do I stand over their shoulder the entire time they do their homework so it's done perfectly, or do I let them try and perhaps fail? These are all unbelievably difficult questions, and some of you who are parenting teens right now have questions that are far more complicated and painful than those. As you are wrestling with the day-to-day task of loving and parenting teenagers, let me offer a few ideas that may help these years pass by a little more smoothly.
Always hug your children.
The teenage years are when hormones are surging, growth is rampant and self-consciousness is at an all-time high. Teenagers often go through seasons of feeling ugly and awkward. Sadly, these are also the years when most parents stop touching, hugging and being physically close to their children. The message that is sent to teenagers who are not touched in appropriate, loving ways by those who care for them is that they are ugly and awkward. So, if your child will allow it, go ahead and give their arm a squeeze when you see them, gently slug them in the shoulder or pull them in for a big hug at least once a week. This physical contact will help them feel your support, love and protection, and draw them closer to you---even if they act like you're totally embarrassing.
Pray as often as possible for your teenager.
During my teenage and college years, my mom woke early in the morning and prayed for an hour before my brother and I even got up. She prayed for our choices, our friendships, our upcoming tests and athletic events---even for our future spouses. Now, looking back, I see the ways God worked in our lives, honoring my mom's early-morning requests and freeing her from the weight of anxiety and fear that often plagues parents of teenagers. If we become parents who pray often for our children, I believe we will experience similar, wonderful results and we'll rejoice as David the Psalmist did when he wrote, "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4)
Make wise, moral, God-honoring decisions in your own life.
Your teenager may not admit it, but they are watching you and learning from you every day of their life. They are picking up on your attitudes and choices and many of them will make those same choices over the next several years. We pick up SO much from our parents, don't we? So, make an effort to do what is right, as a way to honor God but also as an example for your teenagers. Psalm 84:11 says, "For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.He gives us grace and glory.The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right."
Lastly, please know that you are not alone as you parent these teenagers. As a church, we are your biggest fans. We are cheering you on and praying for you as you navigate these years with your child. You'll find more resources for parents of teens by going to the Eagle Brook Students page.
