When I was a middle-schooler, I recall finding trouble pretty easily. Somewhere in the vicinity of age 11 or 12 my parents were out of the house and I ended up shooting my BB gun at random targets. In most cases that wouldn't have been a big problem, but in this instance, I was actually inside the house during target practice. I shot the heads off of a few of my mom's knick-knacks and then put a chip in the TV screen. I couldn't cover up the evidence. After they got home and calmed to an approachable state, they asked the question, "What were you thinking?"
I responded, "I was bored."
God has a sense of humor, doesn't he? Fast-forward a decade or two and I ended up with two boys of my own. As a parent, one of the things I dreaded most was hearing a whiny voice sigh out loud, "I'm boooooooored!" Sometimes my response was one of opportunity, "What do you want to do?" or "Where do you want to go?" More often than not, my responses weren't very helpful: "Did you clean your room," "Go finish your homework," or my personal favorite, "Go play outside," which was essentially saying to my kids, "Go and be bored somewhere else." As a parent, I had more failures than successes, but I learned a lot about when to lean in and engage with my boys.
There are a lot of things we can do to keep our kids busylike signing them up for sports leagues of every shape and size or classes and clubs for martial arts, music, and theatre. I realized that my kids needed to be more than entertained; they needed and wanted interaction with their parents and friends. They may not have actually been experiencing boredom; maybe they were actually reaching out for others to become more engaged with their lives.
Engaging our kids in conversations and activities develops a strong relationship and challenges their thinking and development. What does that look like?
- Pick a night of the week that gives your kids the power over the dinner menu. Have them budget, shop, prep and cook with you.
- Encourage them to help plan a day trip to a museum, park or sporting event.
- What hobby can you learn to develop together as a family? We went camping and kayaking together as a family. If that isn't your thing than maybe game nights, theatre or a hobby farm would work.
- Listen to the music they are listening to or download their favorite app/game so that you can talk about their favorite things.
- Find a way to engage them in their faith. What are they learning at church or during their time with God? How are you modeling that for them?
- Serve together at church or in the community.
- Let them ask questions about their doubts without any shame or blame; discover how to find the answers together.
I've learned that boredom doesn't really mean someone is bored; it means they're ready for a new challenge or maybe they're feeling a little lonely. This adds time to your plate as a parent, but the payoff is huge in three areas of development.
- Their relationship with God
- Your relationship as a family
- Their character as a person
Our kids are our greatest area of investment. They will keep you on your toes and help you learn a lot about yourself in the process. Your time of influence will go quickly. Put some time aside this week to ask them a few questions and be prepared to take some next steps together.
