Seventeen years later, I still remember a specific basketball practice where my coach yelled at me for dropping a pass. It was unforgettable. He yelled at me to get on the line, and as I ran he told me I ran like I had a ton of bricks in my pants. I was slow. I proved it during every conditioning drill as I huffed and puffed down the court. I was heavy-footed and the last to cross the baseline each sprint. I’d mutter to myself in every drill—don’t be last, don’t be last. I would try to motivate myself, but all I kept hearing was Andrew, you’re slow. I had no confidence and felt too inadequate to get any playing time on the freshman team.
As I reflect on the experience, my coach’s assessment and prodding made me work harder. But those same words created a battle for confidence during my remaining high school years. To be fair, much later I would describe my freshman coach as one of my favorite coaches. He called out my improvements and encouraged me as I made it to varsity. But I still remember that practice and fight those words—because words have power, don’t they?
As a church, we’ve spent seven weeks exploring words that can change our lives. These are single words which have the power to transform who we are and everything we do if we start using each one. But what about every other word we use?
I love the way the book of James describes our words. James says, “We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire” (James 3:3-6).
The tongue is one of the smallest parts of our body, yet it has the biggest impact on our lives and the people around us. A single word or phrase has the power to start a fire. It steers our lives and relationships, much like the rudder of a massive cruise ship or a small bit in a horse’s mouth.
I am sure you have your own story of a time when words cut deeply. You were broken up with or let go from a job and told you weren’t good enough—or at least, that’s what you heard. You got cut from the team and were told you didn’t have necessary skills. Your spouse came to you wanting a divorce. You’ve been comparing yourself to others and lies of inadequacy flood your thoughts. Since hearing those words, your life has taken on the identity of those words.
Words have the power to bring life or bring death. While we remember the words which brought death and feelings of inadequacy, we can also remember words that brought us life.
Moments of encouragement and affirmation have directed us. You may be in your field of work because of the words of someone else. Someone saw potential in you and told you so. Someone noticed your talent and called it out in you. Your friendships and relationships are full and rich because of the words spoken.
But let me ask—how are you doing with your tongue? Are you speaking words of life or words of death?
I believe that each one of us have the ability to keep our words in check, as the book of James goes on to say. We can choose to speak words of life or death every day. Knowing that, I want to give you two steps as you fight to tame your tongue and choose words of life.
Speak words of life to yourself.
It’s easy to perpetuate the words others have told you or believe lies about yourself based on your own sins. It’s easy to repeat words like: I blew it. I am a complete failure. I'm worthless. I am a coward. I'm an idiot. Instead, let’s remind ourselves of who God says we are. We are a new creation in Christ. The old has gone, the new has come. We are loved by God, and we are His masterpieces, created in Christ Jesus.
Speak words of life to others.
I don’t want to be the reason someone else’s confidence tanks or cause someone to fight an identity that simply isn’t true. I want to be known as an encourager and someone who is for others and is in their corner. In scripture, we are told to let our conversations be gracious and attractive and to figure out how to spur each other on and encourage each other in love and good works. I want to do that! Call out what you see in others, and generously share when you’ve seen improvement in someone's work or relationships. It can make a world of difference.
So, let’s keep choosing words of life—for ourselves and for others.
