When I was in college, I spent a summer working at a camp and I was trying desperately to figure out who I was and what God wanted me to do with my life.I asked myself over and over again, "Who Am I?" (I blame Casting Crowns for this deep introspection, as their song "Who Am I" came out that year.)
I knew that the "right" answer to that question was "I am yours, God."But I often didn't feel that way. In fact, that phrase never really meant anything until I entered into full-time ministry. One day, a 30-year ministry veteran said to me: "I am ministry. Ministry will not happen unless I am present."
Something about that statement did not sit well with me. I am ministry? I am my job? I am what I do? If I'm not present, God won't show up and change lives? My job defines who I am?
But still, for a while, I lived my life like that. I gained my sense of self-worth and identity from what I did. But, as life unfolded, I quickly became depressed and full of self-loathing if I made mistakes or missed small tasks. These misses would then drag me to dark places where I would be tempted to make poor choices.
Finally, in 2010, I had an encounter with a prayer ministry that changed my life. Through this, I was able to recognize this destructive pattern of thinking, and life began to change.
I began to take to heart the passage in John 10:10 where Jesus says, "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy; but I have come that you may have abundant life." I was not living the abundant life Jesus had for me. I was scared of making mistakes or missing details. I was wrapped up in my performance—so much so that I defined myself by what I did, not who I was. On that night in 2010, what I had based my identity upon for so much of my life was torn down. All that was left to build upon was Jesus. Since that moment, when I ask myself, "Who am I?" my first answer is, "I am a Christ-follower."
Who I am is no longer defined by what I do. Who I am is defined by who God says I am.
I am His child. John 1:12
I am no longer a slave to sin. Romans 6:6
I am accepted by God. Romans 15:7
I have been set free. Galatians 5:1
I am chosen by God. Ephesians 1:4
I am no longer bound by the performance trap. I am free in Jesus. He defines my worth.
If you are struggling like I was struggling, I highly encourage you to reach out to your campus pastors or seek out someone who can affirm what Jesus thinks of you. Because, you are dearly loved.You are accepted.You are free.
