Each year around my birthday, I carve out a couple of hours for what I like to call a "dream session." I spend time writing goals and dreams for my year relating to different areas of my life. This past year one of those dreams was to complete a triathlon. I wrote it down during my dream session but didn't put much thought to it after writing it down. I have been a long-time cyclist and am new to long distance running, but I had never swum competitively, so it felt like a stretch goal.
A few months later, a close friend had expressed interest in doing a triathlon, which then turned into one of those conversations of, "If you do it, I'll do it." So there I was, signing up for not just one but two triathlons. But after one time in the pool, I realized this was going to take some work. I needed help if I was going to keep from drowning in the race itself. So I created a training plan with some help from experienced triathletes and went about training. (And I am happy to report that I made it through the swim!)
As we approach this new year, I have been asking myself a few questions:Who do I want to spend more time with this year? What would happen if I spent time planning and setting goals around the areas of relationships like I did for my triathlons?
I wonder what might happen in my life, my rhythms, and my habits if I made decisions about who I was going to intentionally spend more or less time with this year? I really believe that this year could be fuller and richer for each of us if we spend time answering a couple questions when it comes to the area of relationships.
Who do I need more of in my life?
There are people in our lives that simply make life more fun and more enjoyable. These are people who encourage you in your goals and even help you get there. Take stock of the people in your life right now. Who energizes you? Who challenges you to grow emotionally and spiritually?
On the opposite end, who drains you or causes you to sink? You might be able to answer that question even faster as you take stock of people in your life. There might be a few relationships that simply take you to places you have no place being. You are making decisions you said you would never make because of their influence. You are stagnant in your faith because of the time you've spent with certain people.
Surround yourself with people that give you life and bring out the best in you. Surround yourself with people who help you take steps in your faith and grow in your relationship with God. Surround yourself with people who strengthen your values and encourage you.
Let me start you off with a suggestion: Start with Jesus. Make spending more time with Jesus a priority. I can tell you from experience that the more time I spend investing in my relationship with Jesus and growing in my own faith, the more meaningful every other relationship becomes. There isn't a day that goes by where we couldn't use a little more of the peace, wisdom, or joy that comes from knowing and following Jesus. I have a feeling that if we start with Jesus, the answers to this question will come into focus, which leads me to the next question.
Who needs more of me?
Depending on where you are in life right now may determine the answer to this question. You may be a parent, and the answer is your kids. Your kids just need more of you this year. Your spouse may need more of you. Is it your sibling? Your parents? Maybe there are a few key friends that have been on the fringe lately and you need to re-engage.
Not to throw a wrench into the last question, but the very people who may drain you may also be the ones who need more of you. You may be the most consistent person in their life or the only godly influence they've ever encountered. Begin to pray about those who just need more of your influence and presence in their lives, and then set some boundaries for what time with them may look like. Maybe it means starting a small group and getting them all in the same place. Maybe you create a time and place each week with one or two others to simply hang. It could be a commitment to text, call, or visit a couple times each month.
Whatever it might be, don't go into the year hoping to figure it out as you go.A plan means that these relationships are important to you. Before every text, invite, or event comes rolling in, determine who's going to get your time. Figure out what relationships are most important and give your time to those. Allow yourself to say no to others and have crucial conversations before they ever have the potential to bring you down.
We only have so much time in a day, in a week, and in our entire year, which makes it that much more important. Imagine how you might grow this year in every other area of your life if you spent time answering these questions before the year gets underway. The relationships we give time to have the potential to determine who we become and whether or not we sink or swim the rest of the year. Take stock and go create a plan.
