Way back when, my wife and I were handed a sheet of paper from our pastor with about six questions to discuss. But we knew we had this thing nailed. Marriage. Life. Family. Careers. We were so different from the other couples who struggled—we were totally in love and married life was going to be smooth sailing for us.
This was our prep heading into marital bliss and happiness. And after a fun ceremony with family and good friends on a beautiful fall day in North Dakota, we were off to the races. Fast forward 35 years. (We're not that old, are we??) We've seen a lot. And experienced a lot. I have a deeper understanding and appreciation for those words we said to each other: "for better and for worse."
There indeed was the better. God truly blessed us with health, careers, two beautiful married daughters, and now five grandkids who love to come over to play games and hide-and-seek at our house. We've been blessed to be in full-time vocational ministry for over 25 years and have truly seen the highs and lows there.
Then, there's the struggles, misunderstandings, and hurts. There were numerous chapters in life to adjust to and, looking back, we don't adjust well to change at times. This past year was really tough. A sister-in-law died. My wife's brother passed away this fall after dealing with failing health. Our last living parent, my 93-year-old mom, died in early November. Somehow, I don't think we covered the reality of how hard life can be at times through those six pre-marriage questions.
As I look at couples who are marrying today, part of me is so excited for them. It's so fun to see their passion and love for each other. And yet, I know that down the road they'll all have their fair share of pain, blowing the budget, having kids with the flu, and attending funerals.
So many look to build their marriages on the right romantic chemistry and fantastic feelings. But feelings will come and go. There are good days and bad days. So, how do we stay the course when life can throw us curveballs and calamity?
I love what Greg and Erin Smalley write in their book, Ready to Wed: "God created marriage with something far more wonderful in mind than simply a place where we can get our needs met and find happiness. God uses marriage to accomplish a very important goal: To help us become like Christ." (p. 6-7)
The reality is, my wife has stuck with me through thick and thin. We both were bed-side when my mom took her last breath. She's seen some good stuff, and she's seen me fail, big time. Through the good and the bad, she has represented a bit of an earthly picture of how God loves us, and she has taught me how to love better, too. God is full of grace and mercy. Romans 5:10 says, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." This is the picture of unconditional love. God sees it all, sticks with us, loves us even when we're unlovable at all times, and is there for us for better and for worse. And through His great plan, He uses marriage, our spouses, and life to draw us closer to Him, each and every day.
