What to Do When Relationships Disappoint You

by Steph Hauber on March 22, 2018

I have a six-year-old daughter who loves to read fairytales. Anything that has to do with princesses or unicorns is at the top of her list, to read or watch. Almost every night she picks a short fairy tale to read while I brush her hair, making it less painful for both of us. In every story, the prince saves the day, instantly falls in love with the beautiful princess, and 30 seconds later they get married. I love the innocence of these stories but sometimes my cynical side comes out and I think to myself, “Yeah, I’m sure there will be no arguments over his dirty clothes next to the laundry basket, her moodiness, their finances, or how to raise the kids.”

If you’re married, I’m sure you get where I’m going with this. Even if you aren’t married, I'm sure that you understand that fairytales are wonderful to read but generally don't reflect or resemble real-life relationships. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Whether it is a relationship with a friend, someone you’re dating, a spouse, or a family member, relationships are an important and crucial part of our lives. And if you’re in a relationship long enough, you’re bound to feel disappointment and frustration at some point. 

What about you? Is there a relationship in your life with which you are feeling disappointed? Relationships can be tough and they take work, but they should also bring us great joy and fulfillment. God created us to be in relationship with other people. We weren’t meant to do life alone. But what should we do when our own expectations get in the way? What if we’re feeling stuck in circumstances that leave us feeling disappointed and alone? 

When I got married, I thought I had my expectations in check. But because of my unrealistic expectations and our lack of communication about our struggles, we found ourselves in a pretty tough spot. I blamed my husband for how I was feeling and eventually disappointment and resentment set in. 

At first, we just wanted a quick fix. We each prayed that God would hurry up and change the other one so all our problems would miraculously disappear. Well, I am sure to your surprise, that didn’t happen. Our choices were either to get divorced or to get busy figuring out what God wanted us to do. During those years, I am thankful for the people God put in our lives and even more thankful that we chose to listen to them when they shared hard truths with us. I have carried two of those truths with me and continue to use them when facing disappointing circumstances. My hope is that these truths will help you to feel empowered to make some changes in your own life. 

You're a contributing member of the relationship, the problems, and the solutions.

When expectations don't line up with reality, ask yourself the hard questions. Who are you going to with your disappointments? It’s ok to talk things through with trusted friends, but you have to start with your relationship with God. In John 16, Jesus says in verse 33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” What you are going through right now is not a surprise to God. He has the wisdom to show you how to walk through this, but first you have to seek that wisdom. It’s your responsibility to own your part in the struggle. Here are some questions that can be helpful to ask yourself: 

+ What part do I play in my disappointment? 

+ What might be a character flaw of mine that is contributing to this relational issue in my life? 

+ What is God trying to teach me through this disappointment? 

These questions take great courage to ask, but I promise they will take your focus off what the other person is or isn’t doing and can empower you to make some significant changes in your own life. 

Your circumstances don’t define you.

God does. Paul says Philippians 4:11-13, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

There will be days when moving forward doesn’t seem like it’s worth it. I wrote these verses on sticky notes and posted them around my house so God’s truth could be right in front of me just when I needed it. They reminded me that I get my strength from Jesus and that He loves me and is for me no matter what is happening in my life. 

It took about four years for my husband and I to get through our disappointments. Slowly, we gained more confidence in who we are in Christ rather than allowing our circumstances to define us. It didn’t happen overnight, but it was through small steps of faith and trusting that God wasn’t going to leave us in that place. 

I believe that God already has prepared a place of peace for you in the midst of your struggle. As you ask the hard questions, seek God’s wisdom, and let go of what you think should happen, you put yourself in a place to receive all that God has for you. And I can assure you, that place is better than you can even imagine.

More from Blog

Previous Page