Did you know that most couples who tie the knot get engaged between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day? That means there's a pretty good chance that some of you couples out there got engaged over the holidays—or a proposal is right around the corner. Even though we’re currently in a cold snap here in Minnesota, the warm feelings of love still permeate the air.
If you find yourself newly engaged, the excitement of wedding preparation has probably begun. Engagement pictures are taken and posted on social media and you changed your relationship status on Facebook. You’re contacting your wedding party wannabes and are talking venues, music, and what to serve at the reception with your fiancé. You may have even said “yes” to the dress and have landed on the tuxes or suits to be worn.
But down the road, the thought of eloping begins to creep into your mind. The thrill of the engagement has now turned into a daunting corporate planning event. Your invite list is either going to be obliterated or you’ll have to sell a kidney because your dad wants to invite all of his co-workers and friends to the wedding. Suddenly, stress and pressure creep in, wanting to steal the thrill of the moment, and the weight of keeping up with the latest trends begin dragging you down. So, how do you keep your sanity and keep things in perspective during this important time in your life? After 36 years of being married and 13 years of offering pre-marital counseling to engaged couples, here are a few thoughts:
Keep the main thing, the main thing.
Thanks to Pinterest and wedding websites, you can get lost in the details of your big day. But in the frenzy of planning, remember that the main thing is not your wedding ceremony and reception—it’s your relationship and marriage. It’s also learning and growing together as a couple and beginning to forge the patterns and habits you’ll carry into your life together as husband and wife. Here are some things that will help:
- Attend church together and discussing what you’re learning.
- Stay pure. Remember, you’re not married yet, and out of keeping your relationship with God first and foremost, put sex on the back burner until you’re married. When you learn to honor God first, you’ll learn to honor each other and protect the oneness which God desires for you as a couple.
- Read some good books together like The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller or Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Get God’s perspective on marriage, as He’s the one who created it in the first place.
- Talk about your desires for life together. How will you do your budgeting, household chores, cooking etc.? A great book to walk you through all of this is Ready to Wed, edited by Greg & Erin Smalley.
- Communicate with your parents, if this applies. Be open with your thoughts, ideas, and their level of involvement.
- Keep your connections with your close friends. It’s easy to be off-to-the-races with planning the event, work, and life. But your close friends can be a much-needed pressure release valve during this time. They're the ones who will be there to celebrate the good days and walk with you through the tough ones.
Establish a budget and stay on track.
The average wedding and reception in the Twin Cities last year cost anywhere from $27,000 to $41,000 for a ceremony of 100-200 people. Determine what’s reasonable to spend and try hard not to go in debt for your wedding. Remember, it’s just one day and will it really matter if you have an aisle runner or not?
Don’t forget there are three people involved.
No, I’m not talking about your mother. Successful marriages have God at the center. If you’re heading into marriage running on romance and happy feelings, you’ll be in for disappointment. Through your relationship with God, you’ll learn about unconditional love, forgiveness, and how to handle your finances and raise a family.
Invest time in pre-marital counseling.
We cover some great topics like communication, dealing with conflict, how to handle your finances, and how to avoid some of the common pitfalls during your first year of marriage. Studies show that investing 12 hours or more in a marriage class will reduce your divorce rate by 30 percent. So yes, plan a fun and Christ-centered wedding. But more importantly, invest in your marriage and keep this front and center to avoid unnecessary headaches and stress. If you're interested in weddings at Eagle Brook, sign up here.
